


Tides of Dread

by booktick



Series: phobos [1]
Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018)
Genre: Anxiety, Established Relationship, F/F, Nyctophobia, Post-S1, Theo being Theo, not spoiler free at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 13:28:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16724277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booktick/pseuds/booktick
Summary: A shadow follows Theodora and she knows it.





	Tides of Dread

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of this franchise.

* * *

It's _different_. She wasn't sure how really or why. Mom was already in the grave, same as Nell and now Dad too. She was used to death. She was used to a shadow at her feet. Sure, she had moved in with T and they were...a thing now. A partnership. Girlfriends. They had their own place and their own life together. Yet...even in the middle of the night, with her as the little spoon and the fuckin' creatures of the night moving around with their little noises, she felt...different. 

Was this death gnawing at the back of her knees? Was that her shadow? Shadows aren't supposed to hinder you. Yet she could feel its' itch and it was worst at night. With T holding her close and the bedsheets wrapped tight, she could never get the sensation to fade. It could be just nerves acting up, with all the changes in her life. That was what her professional side said but late at night..it wasn't so easy to turn the cheek. During the day, whether on the job or trading jabs in the group chat with the fam (Steve's idea)...she could feel the tiniest of nails scratching at her ankles. With all the moving she did during the day, damn thing probably couldn't reach her knees.

 _Good_.

She never mentioned to any of the other Crains. Not even Shirl. She figures if Nell were around, she'd tell her. But it wasn't like she was about to backpack for a picnic to Hill House, Nell or No Nell--fuck that place. Yet there she was, in her and T's place, thinking about it and about the shadow again. Maybe if she just kept moving forward, it wouldn't catch up.

What was the saying? Fake it till you make it? Well, she had already made it to be honest. Theodora Crain was a gift to the world. This shadow knew it, T knew it, and even Shirl knew it. She had that magic touch. She was a giver after all. All Theo had to do was touch and the world spoke. She supposed...She supposed not everything the world had to say was good though. Sometimes words can cut same as barbwire on a closed gate. Not that Theo would know anything about that--depending on who was asking.

"Theo?"

She looked up, lips already curled from her latest thought. Her eyes met T's and they brightened from their fog. She pressed her hands down on the kitchen counter as she stood. Trish placed two plastic bags on the same counter, a similar curl to her lips though not as devious as Theo's had been.

"I didn't hear you come in." Theo slid her hands over Trish's jean covered hips until she could hook her thumbs in the back pockets, "Coulda scared me to death."

"No," Trish shook her head, eyes only on Theo "Never."

The thumbs still hooked into Trish's jeans tugged lightly, which had Trish move forward out of instinct perhaps. Their hips met briefly, a bump in the day Theo imagined, a joke that was probably only funny between them. But as she continued to smile back at her girlfriend, Theo pressed her own hips against Trish's and kept them there this time. Trish's smile slid away and those eyes widened, not out of fear or confusion but something far warmer.

"You're cute when you're you." She whispered.

"I'm always me." Trish had her fingers at Theo's shirt, the fabric lifted and twisted in her grip. 

"That's good then, huh?" Theo leaned in further, their noses bumped together, "Cause I like you."

When day turned to night and Trish swore at vegetables that had been forgotten in plastic bags on the kitchen counter, Theo tried to find peace. It was always just right in front of her, a lot like the shadow behind her. She had thought, after everything with Hill House and Nell and all of it, peace would welcome her with open arms. But that wasn't how it went. She couldn't figure it out. It was like being a line that moves at the slowest pace. She would move a few steps then have to wait again.

She bet Steve and his Steveness never had to deal with this. He was probably in bed with his wife and snoring in that obnoxious way of his. At least he didn't talk in his sleep like Shirley did. She had enough of long nights and itchy knees. She had even bought one of those damn night lights, with a fun design and it was right beside the bedstand. When she first got it, Trish didn't ask questions and she told herself it would just be a every now and again thing. Then it was every other night...

Why did her chest burn only at night?

She had tried several ways of going to sleep faster the last few weeks. She took antacids for the heartburn and drank who knows how much water. She had spent hours on her phone late at night in an attempt to figure out a way. If anyone looked at her history they'd be concerned about her data usage. Theo had seen sleep problems with kids before, had figured out ways to help them, to find a pattern and attack it head on to give these kids some peace. But when it came to her? It was like meeting a brick wall.

Theo would push and push until her head pounded and her body ached. No solution could be found. Her wrists had started to hurt from how often she kept her phone on and in her grip all these nights. She had thought the nightlight would help. It was a harmless nightlight. It wasn't even doing its' fucking job. It was useless. She should have just bought a vib--no. No, this wasn't about her failings. It was about this damn nightlight that mocked her with its' brightness and this damn itch from knees. 

And as it glowed beside her, her drooped eyelids and fog infested eyes remembered it was now an every night sort of thing. The itch at the back of her knees started to move, it slid up the back of her thighs to her lower back and rested. The shadow was now curled up exactly where Trish pressed her hips against when they cuddled. Theo's fingers curled into her palm until it hurt.

"Just nerves." Theo whispered to herself.

The longer she stared at it, the brighter the nightlight seemed to get. Why couldn't Trish see it? She chewed at the inside of her cheeks until that hurt too. Her eyes never left the nightlight. The bedsheets wrapped tight around her and Trish like all the other nights seemed to pinch at her flesh. Her eyelids lifted and blinked at a steady pace. She uncurled one hand only to grip her pillow just as tight.

"You aren't real," Theo whispered to it, "You're not fucking real." She wasn't sure if it was the nightlight, the shadow or anything at all that made her stomach knot up. Maybe it was just her. 

She blinked. The nightlight blinked back.

Theo sat up with more of a jolt than a sluggish attitude that one might when as exhausted as her. Her lips pressed together but she never once looked away from the nightlight. Theo could have sworn that it was brighter when she had laid down, yet there it was...not bright at all. It wasn't doing anything and the shadow was on her back. She was pissed and the shadow was on Trish's spot. 

"Fuck you." Theo reached and yanked the nightlight from its' socket. The light disappeared right away and the room was dark again.

"Hey..." Trish whispered, a hand on Theo's lower back "You feelin' okay?"

Theo stared at the nightlight without any light now before she turned to look at Trish. Her eyebrows came together and her nose wrinkled. There was her girlfriend, still rubbing half awake eyes and touching her back. She could see her though. She could see Trish so clearly and it was like it wasn't night at all. It was like there was never an itch to begin with. No shadows, no itch...

Just _them_.

She could feel it all slide back down her thighs and ankles and drip away as if it had never taken hold. Theo knew full well it may never be gone. No matter how much she wanted. And, hell, she might even have to go through it again. But in the moment...the cool after all that burn...was a huge fucking welcome. She was Theodora. She was in bed with her girlfriend. She was here.

Theo placed the forgotten nightlight on the bedstand without a second look, her eyes only on Trish. It met with a soft clank. Her arm went over Trish's hip as she laid back down on their bed. She let herself breathe before she smiled at the girlfriend who was still trying to figure out why either of them were awake. She kissed Trish's forehead and pulled her closer to her.

"I feel...great." Theo finally whispered her reply.

And peace greeted them both.

 


End file.
